Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
