how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
