okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
