So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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