I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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