I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
