before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
