Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
