Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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