fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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