I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
