If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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