i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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