The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
