I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
