I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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