My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
