Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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