it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
