Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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