You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think people are normalizing furries
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
