I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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