So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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