and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
