Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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