how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
