Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
