I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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