there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
