Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
