the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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