Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
