I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
