Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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