$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
