I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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