Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
