Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
