i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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