She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
