The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
