So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
