I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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