there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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