i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
