we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
