I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
