he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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