We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
