Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
