question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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