Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
