They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
