Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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