So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
