Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
