I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
