Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
