We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
