Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
